Tunneyside of Sports: Sofa Soccer – Monterey Herald

After further review….If you love sports, as I do, you have to have loved the month of October. Not only is it a month of wonderful weather (except for those in the path of hurricane Michael), but so many sports were in play.

The NFL in mid-season, the NBA and NHL are underway, MLB is into World Series mode, college football is approaching mid-season, and college basketball tips-off at the end of the month.

Soccer? Well, that sport never ends. Readers have long noted that soccer and hockey are not often a subject in this column. That’s mostly because they are somewhat foreign to me. Yes, they’re terrific sports. It’s just that growing up in southern California, they never got much notice.

However, those of you who love soccer, you will enjoy this story by Pulitzer Prize author and humorist Dave Barry:

“Recently I played in a soccer game (or match) on a regulation soccer field (or pitch), and I wound up fearing for the safety of my most sensitive male anatomical parts. Allow me, as a big believer in the benefits of exercise, to offer you these words of encouragement. Get back on the sofa.

I remember playing soccer intramurals in college as a casual relaxing activity, which is why I was asked, along with my wife to play in a media vs. the staff of the Miami Fusion some years ago. I was an idiot. I realized this the instant we arrived at the stadium.

Most of the other people were serious, cleat-wearing soccer players. They were shouting Spanish soccer expressions that translate roughly to, ‘I shall ‘keek’ the ball with great ‘velocidad,’ so stand clear, let it pass through your torso.’

The other problem was the size of the playing field. From the press box, where I am usually, it looked about the size of a football field, but when I actually stood on it. I realized that it was much closer to the square footage of Kansas.

Finally, after about a month, the game ended. I admit that the Fusion staff team was much better. But since the media got to write the story, we won 151 to 3, and I personally scored nine touchdowns. I look forward to playing soccer again, when they pry my cold, dead butt off the sofa.”

Dave Barry describes soccer about the way I feel. Will you log-in your experience or story about soccer?

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