Today in Haiku | naptimethoughts

Wanted to go swim
but had a pap smear instead.
Much bird shit on car.

Thank you.

Months and months of nothing and then suddenly bursting from the silence – a Haiku. And a shitty one too, Bwahahaha!\

Welcome back NTT – we missed ya!

Thanks, Paul. It’s been a rough summer for us, but I’m really trying to get back home to Naptimethoughts. I miss her. How’s by you? You know, I haven’t seen much on your blog lately either. 🙂

Hmmm, I’m still basically blog free although I do guest post in three or four (or more) places. Your wit and humor are greatly missed NTT, y’all come back soon, ya hear?

Well, NTT hasn’t asked – after all it is about being a “guest”.

Okay, you got me. You are officially asked. Send me your email and once I’m a little better off — or better back maybe, I don’t want to screw your post up by doing another disappearing act — I want to see a Paul post for Naptimethoughts.

My email is Look forward to hearing from you. 😀

You know, you’re going to be my very first guest host. I think “host” is probably more apt a description than “blogger”, I think of Naptimethoughts more like a game show than a blog. Tell him what he’s won, Bob!!
“It’s a picture of bird shit!!!!!”
and the crowd goes wild.

Guess what? My coworker went to McD’s for lunch and got a Solomon Grundy Happy Meal toy! Grundy-speak day has to be coming up soon! 😀

THANK GOD. And WTF? That’s only, like, THE best happy meal toy EVER, all my kids ever get are tiny barbie dolls with shitty plastic hair or Batman’s cape. Just the cape. So lame.
So lame make Naptimethoughts angry. Make Naptimethoughts want take out McDonalds multi-national conglomerate. Grrrrrr.

I’ve missed you. Have I missed anything extra-special? I need to catch up.

I’m pregnant! About 6 weeks almost. Still early days and my numbers started very low but climbed well last week. I am feeling hopeful 🙂

It’s amazing news. Don’t even worry about it, this is for keeps. It’s a girl, and she’s healthy. I just know these things. Now, Have you thought about naming her Naptimethoughts?


Yeah, cuz we all want to see a pap smear pic. I don’t want see any kind of smear if I don’t have to. For the first time, my eyes were relieved to find bird shit. Nice to see you again.

And you as well, sir. Remember, Scott, it’s the little things. I made you appreciate bird shit. Don’t say I never gave you nothin’.
If you change your mind, I can always email you the smear pic as well.

Hey, Naptime is back. I’ve missed you. Back in form. You’ve made an atomic reentry. The bird shit rivals Ace Ventura’s hockers. Hope all is well with you. Peace, John (P. S. WordPress won’t let me toss you a standard “like.” So here’s me, liking.)

Here’s a like back. Yes, I’m back, hopefully for good. This summer dragged me so far into reality I wasn’t sure I’d ever make it back, in fact, I’m still working at peeling the real world off my pant leg. It’s a struggle, but Naptimethoughts is calling…
I’m glad you liked the haiku! It’s been a while since I wrote one of those. I gotta catch up on A Nappers Companion, little Cole must be in college by now.
I’ve missed you!

Hey, missus, it’s great to hear your voice again! And yes, I can hear it, in my fashion. You’ve been missed. Sounds from comments above, reality has been socking you. Did a bit of punchbagging in parts here around. We need to gang up on her and fell that bitch. We want fantasy. Failing that, humour. And yours is a treat.
Seriously, hope things are improved. Big hugs and love from pissy auld Scotland. xo

It’s wonderful to hear your voice (and I CAN hear it, which is wonderful) again too. I think if we all band together we CAN fell that bitch of all bitches, THE REAL WORLD. Fuck her. Fuck her right in the ear.
And I’ve missed you so. I need my Momus.
I’m glad you like my silly poetry. 🙂

I certainly did like your haiku and was well impressed with that shitty car. Flock of seagulls, was it? Or is that a song/group?
I’ve been neglecting Freedom’s Place big time while Pam has been on her lonesome there. Maybe we should try a little escape together there we girls. 🙂

Ahead of you. I posted there before I posted here.
Flock of Seagulls is a crappy 80’s band known more for their fabulous feathered hair than any “music” they may or may not have created. In fact, many people walked around with the”Flock of Seagulls” on their heads. Might have just been here though, we were certainly into ugly hair in the 80’s.
After all, somebody had to invent the mullet.

Why, hullo. I am saddened by the bird poop photo, nope, not really. Hope the ‘shmear’ was a pleasant experience for you. (I just booked in to change what I thought was an ironic Flock of Seagulls post modernist hairdo, now I see it’s just a mullet.)

Why hullo!!!
No, no one actually tried to craft a replica of a flock of seagulls onto anyone’s head… I think that would have been more work than the day to day 80’ser had time to offer his or her hair; even in an age of crimping, flatteners, curlers, teasers and endless bottles of hairspray.
Thank you very much for the mental picture, btw, now every time I go to the gynecologist I’m going to crave a bagel and schmear. Mmmmm… I kind of want one now… I gotta go hit up a deli, then see what I’ve missed at the silly yak!

OMG! You’re back and in your own inimitable style! You have been missed! Hoping you’re going to become a more regular presence on here again!

I am!!! I think. No promises. Reality has had me by the balls this summer. It seems like no matter how many times Naptimethoughts tries to smush it with a shoe, it just keeps on skittering away on all its nasty real world legs. I haven’t made it over to the ol’ Reply yet– I hope I didn’t miss anything good!

The picture is priceless, the haiku had me cracking up, and clearly, by reading your followers comments, you’ve been terribly missed. I hope the break was somewhat restful and you’re full of newfound wit and humor.
Looking forward to it always.

Nice to see you, Shelley! As always, thanks for the visit.The break wasn’t restful, but I think it’s over. We’ll just have to see if Naptimethoughts can stick around this time… Maybe write something good. No promises.
You know, not everybody just rolls out of bed every day and produces quality writing like yours. Speaking of peakperspective, I need a cup of coffee.

Holy sh—! I’m guessing that car hasn’t been moved in a while.
Gotta love the ol’ pappy. Had one of those recently too. It was the first in 6 years. I’d forgotten how fun it was to have my hooha scraped out by a stranger.

I’m guessing not — But I wouldn’t know, it’s not my car. As usual, I trolled the internet for (free and legal) pictures to illustrate my point. My beautiful white SUV (her name is Moby) was covered in bird shit produced by birds who had been eating berries. Probably from my berry bushes, you know, just to twist the knife.
The ol’ drape and scrape was just as enjoyable as ever. I’ve switched to a lady doctor, though, and she’s got small hands. That’s nice, although I suppose it doesn’t really matter once they get that car jack in there and get down to bid’niss. Ahhhh… Good times.

You always are one to have a way with words. 🙂

ha, love that pic

friends have been nagging me for months about the state of my car – but why pay good sillar to wash a car when the rain does it for free?

anyways, I don’t know what came over me – some sort of mental aberration, perhaps – but last Wednesday I took it to the garage and gave it the works, the most expensive car wash programme on offer (included wheel scrubs and waxing)

I have to admit it looked great and I went to bed anticipating the reaction of my co-workers the following morning when they saw the transformation

alas, when I was leaving for work on Thursday morning, I found a flock of pigeons or a lone pigeon with a severe case of dior diareha dioreeha the shits had pooped all over my car

story of my life, really 😦

anyways, good to see you blogging again !

I’ve always felt that way. Why waste good sillar, I say.
Diarrhea was a spelling word for me at one point in my life, and so, like all spelling words that stick in your brain till you’re an adult, every time I have to spell it my brain does a silent “D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A. Diarrhea.” It’s like my subconscious suddenly turns into a Learning Annex and holds a disgusting bodily function spelling bee without my consent.
Inyhoo, it always makes me feel just a little weird.
I’m terribly sorry about your car, and your wasted sillar, but if it makes you feel any better– all those people on your back to get your car washed probably have comfy cozy garages for their cars, and therefore, never wash them at all.
I’ve missed you, Duncan. Your stories always make me smile. 🙂

Did you know you’re still supposed to get pap smears even if you have no cervix any more? I didn’t.

I mean, I didn’t, and I didn’t. When I did, and I did, and learned what I learned, I felt like sh*t, and probably looked like sh*t, although I can’t say for sure it was birdsh*t.

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